THE OLDER I GET THE MORE PATIENCE I HAVE; SO THEN WHY DO CERTAIN THINGS PISS ME OFF ROYALLY?

OH WHAT A DAY! I DIDN'T EVEN DO ANYTHING BUT GO TO THE EXAMINATION SOCIAL SECURITY SET UP FOR ME. I WAS GIVEN TWO EXAMS: PSYCHOLOGICAL AND PHYSICAL (IF YOU WANT TO CALL IT THAT). YOU HEAR HOW HORRIBLE IT IS TO GO THROUGH THE PROCESS OF TRYING TO GET DISABILITY, BUT YOU CAN NEVER UNDERSTAND IT UNTIL YOU YOURSELF GO THROUGH IT. 

MY DAY STARTED OFF GOOD.. GOT UP, GOT READY AND LEFT FOR THE APPOINTMENT. THE BUILDING WAS A TALL BUILDING ACROSS FROM THE GALLERIA MALL WHICH I HAVE BEEN TO A FEW TIMES. (RAMON AND I HAD BEEN GOING TO GET SUSCHI, UNTIL I FOUND OUT IT HAD EEL IN IT).....

I USE A CANE TO WALK. I HAVE A PLACARD FOR "HANDICAP" PARKING. THERE WAS NO "HANDICAP" PARKING AVAILABLE. SO I WALK FROM MY CAR TO THE BUILDING. IT WAS A QUARTER BLOCK, BUT I HAD TO GO UP TO THE TWELVETH FLOOR. THE RECEPTIONIST MALE WAS NICE. THE GUY WHO TOOK MY WEIGHT (280 LBS) AND HEIGHT (I HAVE BEEN 5'2 1/4" MY WHOLE ADULT LIFE - HE HAS ME AT 4'11" - SO THAT IS 3 1/4 INCHES I HAVE SHRUNK). BP WAS 159/85.

MY FIRST APT WAS THE PSYCHOLOGICAL TESTING: TELL ME WHAT THE DATE IS, WHO IS THE PRESIDENT: TELLL ME YOUR SOCIAL NUMBER; REMEMBER THESE THREE WORDS - APPLE, CAR, PENCIL. REPEAT THE FOLLOWING BACK TO ME (NUMBERS), REPEAT AFTER ME AND SAY BACKWARDS (NUMBERS AGAIN). WHAT MEDS ARE YOU ON? DO YOU HEAR VOICES TALKING TO YOU (ANSWER: NO I AM NOT BI-POLAR), THOUGHTS OF SUICIDE (NO), WHOSE THE PRESIDENT?, WHO WERE THE THREE PRESIDENTS BEFORE HIM, TELL ME TWO STORIES GOING ON IN THE NEWS (LIBYA AND BESIDES PEOPLE GETTING SHOT AND CUT UP IN PEICES ALMOST EVERYDAY SAID, THE CITY OF ST. LOUIS LAYING OFF FIREMAN BUT ARE BRINGING THEM BACK INTO THE FOLD DUE TO A 3.2 MILLION GRANT RECEIVED THAT WILL COVER THEIR PAY, ETC...FOR THE NEXT TWO YEARS.~~~~~THIS LADY WAS REALLY NICE. ASKED WHAT MEDS I AM ON, WHEN DID i GET DIAGNOSED FOR DEPRESSION, HIGH BP. 

SHE TOLD ME THAT EVERYONE APPLYING FOR DISABILITY GETS A PSYCH EVALUATION. LUCKY US!

STILL IN A GOOD MOOD TO THIS POINT. THEN I MEET THE DOCTOR PICKED BY DISABILITY TO EVALUATE ME. AS SOON AS SHE WALKS IN THE DOOR SHE LOOKS ME TOP TO BOTTOM  LIKE SHE ALREADY HAS HER MIND MADE UP.  I MEAN THE LOOK ON HER FACE. SHE STARTS QUESTIONING ME AS TO AM I IN PAIN ALL THE TIME. IT'S THE MANNER OF WHICH SHE SPEAKS TO ME THAT PISSES ME OFF FROM THE GET GO. I TRUELY UNDERSTAND THAT THERE ARE THOSE WHO ARE TRYING TO "SCAM" TO GET DISABILITY. THEN THERE ARE THOSE WHO ARE SINCERE IN THEIR QUEST TO APPLY FOR IT. THIS WOMAN, WAS TALKING TO ME LIKE ALL THE ANSWERS I WAS GIVING HER WERE LIES. 

HOW MUCH WEIGHT CAN YOU LIFT? I TOLD HER 5 LBS, SHE COMES BACK W/ 5 LBS IS A PKG OF SUGAR, THEN I TELL HER 1O LBS. WHETHER SHE BELIEVES IT OR NOT I HAVE A WEIGHT LIMIT. I HAVE A BENDING LIMIT NOT MORE THAN 90 DEGREES. SHE ASKS ME IF i GO GROCERY SHOPPING. i TELL HER YES, SHE ASKS HOW OFTEN, I SAID ONCE A WEEK IF THAT. sHE ASKS IF i DO LAUNDRY, I TOLD HER YES, HOW OFTEN, I TELL HER EVERY TWO WEEKS. DO YOU COOK, I TELL HER i MICROWAVE THINGS BECAUSE IT'S EASIER AND FASTER THAN STANDING AT THE STOVE. HOW MANY MINS CAN YOU STAND BEFORE YOU CAN'T STAND - I TELL HER ABOUT 5 MINS, BUT i USUALLY AM LEANING AGAINST THE STINK OR COUNTERS. THIS LADY PROCEEDS TO TELL ME THAT "YOU DON'T HAVE TO STAND AT THE STOVE THE WHOLE TIME YOU ARE COOKING. i TOLD HER YES YOU DO IT YOU DONT WANT YOUR FOOD TO BURN. SHE PROCEEDS TO TELL ME THAT SHE COOKS EVERYDAY, AND DOESNT STAND BY THE STOVE, BUT THEN MAYBE YOU  (MEANING ME) COOK DIFFERENTLY. 

DOES THE PHRASE "BITCH-SLAP" MEAN ANYTHING?

SHE HAS ME TO WALK 4-5 STEPS FROM THE CHAIR I AM SITTING IN TO THE ROOM DOOR. I WALK (NO PROBLEM BECAUSE I HAD BEEN SITTING DOWN WAITING FOR HER). SHE TELLS ME YOU WALK JUST FINE. I ANSWERED, i TOLD YOU i CAN WALK SEVERAL STEPS BEFORE i START HAVING PAIN AND PROBLEMS WITH WALKING. BEFORE SHE HAD ME DO THAT SHE HAD ASKED ME HOW FAR CAN YOU WALK WITHOUT THE CANE? i TOLD HER SEVERAL STEPS AND THEN i HAVE TO USE MY CANE BECAUSE MY LEGS START HURTING AND GET HEAVY, AND MY BACK FROM THE BRA BAND DOWN TO THE PELVIC AREA AND HIPS START HURTING. i SAY SEVERAL STEPS AND SHE ASKS 100 FEET, A BLOCK.  I SAID NO WAY CAN I WALK 100 FT W/ OUT HELP OR STOPPING A LOT. i HAVE HAVE PROBLEMS BREATHING WHEN i WALK FOR LONG WAYS.  

I WAS ASKED WHO GAVE ME THE CANE AND WAS i SHOWN HOW TO USE IT. I SAID I WAS GIVEN THE CANE WHEN MY HIP WAS REPLACED. (SHE ASKED AND LOOKED AT ME LIKE I JUST WENT OUT AND BOUGHT THE DARN THING). SHE ASKED ME IF I CAN BEND FORWARD, ASKS ME IF i CAN BEND SIDE BY SIDE. i DO IT AND SHE JOTS DOWN HER NOTES. SHE WASN'T LISTENING TO ME. SHE WAS ASKING ME QUESTIONS AND WHEN I ANSWERED SHE WAS MAKING A FACE LIKE SHE DIDNT BELIEVE ME, ON TO THE NEXT QUESTION. SHE HAD ME TAKE THE PAPER GOWN OFF TO LOOK AT ME, HAS ME STAND STRAIGHT (AS STRAIGHT AS i CAN) AND PROCEEDS TO TELL ME HAVE I THOUGHT ABOUT GETTING A LIFT ON MY LEFT SHOE, BECAUSE i AM STANDING ON MY TOE. i TOLD HER I DONT NEED A LIFT, THAT WHEN MY SURGERY WAS DONE MY LEGS WERE EVEN AND THE DOCTOR SAID I DIDNT NEED ON. SHE PROCEEDS TO TELL ME THAT i AM LEANING TO THE RIGHT. i CORRECT HER AND SAY I LEAN TO THE LEFT. I NOT ONLY HAVE HIP PROBLEMS, OSTEOARTHRITIS, BUT I WAS BORN WITH SCOLIOSIS AS WELL. sHE STILL INSISTED IT WAS TO THE RIGHT. sHE ASKED ME IF I DROVE MYSELF THERE AND I TOLD HER YES. AS IF HANDICAP PEOPLE CAN;T DRIVE. 

THIS DOCTOR WAS A MESS. sHE ONLY SPOKE TO ME FOR ABOUT 30 MINS.  AND  SHE HAD LAY ON MY BACK AND WANTED ME TO STRETCH BOTH LEGS OUT WHILE FLAT ON MY BACK. I TOLD HER i CANT LAY STRAIGHT ON MY BACK. tHE LEFT LEG DOESNT LIKE FLAT AND ONLY STRAIGHTENS SO FAR, AND THE RIGHT DOESNT GO ALL THE WAY DOWN WITH OUT THE SPINE AND PELVIS HURTING.  I TOLD HER I HAVE TO HAVE PILLOWS UNDER MY LEGS IF I LAY ON MY BACK. i NORMALLY LAY ON MY SIDES WITH A BIG HARD PILLOW BETWEEN MY LEGS, OTHERWISE IT ALWAYS FEELS LIKE THE HIPS ARE BEING PULLED ON. SHE GRABBED MY CALF EACH ON SEPERATELY, PUSH HARD, PULL HARD, LIFT YOUR KNEES - EACH WITH HER TRYING TO HOLD IT DOWN. sHE DIDNT HOLD IT DOWN HARD AT ALL. 

i WAS SO DISGUSTED BY THE TIME i LEFT. i KNEW i WOULD HAVE TO FIGHT FOR DISABILITY, BUT SHE JUST MADE ME FEEL LIKE i WAS MAKING THIS STUFF UP, AND EVERYTHING i WAS TELLING HER WERE LIES. i DONT CARE THAT i HAVE TO FIGHT FOR THIS. tHIS IS GOING TO BE A FIGHT i WILL WIN. 

Oh, SHE HAD ASKED ME TO TELL HER HOW  MY DAY IS NORMALLY. WHAT TIME DO i WAKE UP. i TOLD HER I DON'T HAVE A CERTAIN SLEEP SCHEDULE. i TOLD HOH WHAT A DAY! I DIDN'T EVEN DO ANYTHING BUT GO TO THE EXAMINATION SOCIAL SECURITY SET UP FOR ME. I WAS GIVEN TWO EXAMS: PSYCHOLOGICAL AND PHYSICAL (IF YOU WANT TO CALL IT THAT). YOU HEAR HOW HORRIBLE IT IS TO GO THROUGH THE PROCESS OF TRYING TO GET DISABILITY, BUT YOU CAN NEVER UNDERSTAND IT UNTIL YOU YOURSELF GO THROUGH IT. 

MY DAY STARTED OFF GOOD.. GOT UP, GOT READY AND LEFT FOR THE APPOINTMENT. THE BUILDING WAS A TALL BUILDING ACROSS FROM THE GALLERIA MALL WHICH I HAVE BEEN TO A FEW TIMES. (RAMON AND I HAD BEEN GOING TO GET SUSCHI, UNTIL I FOUND OUT IT HAD EEL IN IT).....

I USE A CANE TO WALK. I HAVE A PLACARD FOR "HANDICAP" PARKING. THERE WAS NO "HANDICAP" PARKING AVAILABLE. SO I WALK FROM MY CAR TO THE BUILDING. IT WAS A QUARTER BLOCK, BUT I HAD TO GO UP TO THE TWELVETH FLOOR. THE RECEPTIONIST MALE WAS NICE. THE GUY WHO TOOK MY WEIGHT (280 LBS) AND HEIGHT (I HAVE BEEN 5'2 1/4" MY WHOLE ADULT LIFE - HE HAS ME AT 4'11" - SO THAT IS 3 1/4 INCHES I HAVE SHRUNK). BP WAS 159/85.

MY FIRST APT WAS THE PSYCHOLOGICAL TESTING: TELL ME WHAT THE DATE IS, WHO IS THE PRESIDENT: TELLL ME YOUR SOCIAL NUMBER; REMEMBER THESE THREE WORDS - APPLE, CAR, PENCIL. REPEAT THE FOLLOWING BACK TO ME (NUMBERS), REPEAT AFTER ME AND SAY BACKWARDS (NUMBERS AGAIN). WHAT MEDS ARE YOU ON? DO YOU HEAR VOICES TALKING TO YOU (ANSWER: NO I AM NOT BI-POLAR), THOUGHTS OF SUICIDE (NO), WHOSE THE PRESIDENT?, WHO WERE THE THREE PRESIDENTS BEFORE HIM, TELL ME TWO STORIES GOING ON IN THE NEWS (LIBYA AND BESIDES PEOPLE GETTING SHOT AND CUT UP IN PEICES ALMOST EVERYDAY SAID, THE CITY OF ST. LOUIS LAYING OFF FIREMAN BUT ARE BRINGING THEM BACK INTO THE FOLD DUE TO A 3.2 MILLION GRANT RECEIVED THAT WILL COVER THEIR PAY, ETC...FOR THE NEXT TWO YEARS.~~~~~THIS LADY WAS REALLY NICE. ASKED WHAT MEDS I AM ON, WHEN DID i GET DIAGNOSED FOR DEPRESSION, HIGH BP. 

SHE TOLD ME THAT EVERYONE APPLYING FOR DISABILITY GETS A PSYCH EVALUATION. LUCKY US!

STILL IN A GOOD MOOD TO THIS POINT. THEN I MEET THE DOCTOR PICKED BY DISABILITY TO EVALUATE ME. AS SOON AS SHE WALKS IN THE DOOR SHE LOOKS ME TOP TO BOTTOM  LIKE SHE ALREADY HAS HER MIND MADE UP.  I MEAN THE LOOK ON HER FACE. SHE STARTS QUESTIONING ME AS TO AM I IN PAIN ALL THE TIME. IT'S THE MANNER OF WHICH SHE SPEAKS TO ME THAT PISSES ME OFF FROM THE GET GO. I TRUELY UNDERSTAND THAT THERE ARE THOSE WHO ARE TRYING TO "SCAM" TO GET DISABILITY. THEN THERE ARE THOSE WHO ARE SINCERE IN THEIR QUEST TO APPLY FOR IT. THIS WOMAN, WAS TALKING TO ME LIKE ALL THE ANSWERS I WAS GIVING HER WERE LIES. 

HOW MUCH WEIGHT CAN YOU LIFT? I TOLD HER 5 LBS, SHE COMES BACK W/ 5 LBS IS A PKG OF SUGAR, THEN I TELL HER 1O LBS. WHETHER SHE BELIEVES IT OR NOT I HAVE A WEIGHT LIMIT. I HAVE A BENDING LIMIT NOT MORE THAN 90 DEGREES. SHE ASKS ME IF i GO GROCERY SHOPPING. i TELL HER YES, SHE ASKS HOW OFTEN, I SAID ONCE A WEEK IF THAT. sHE ASKS IF i DO LAUNDRY, I TOLD HER YES, HOW OFTEN, I TELL HER EVERY TWO WEEKS. DO YOU COOK, I TELL HER i MICROWAVE THINGS BECAUSE IT'S EASIER AND FASTER THAN STANDING AT THE STOVE. HOW MANY MINS CAN YOU STAND BEFORE YOU CAN'T STAND - I TELL HER ABOUT 5 MINS, BUT i USUALLY AM LEANING AGAINST THE STINK OR COUNTERS. THIS LADY PROCEEDS TO TELL ME THAT "YOU DON'T HAVE TO STAND AT THE STOVE THE WHOLE TIME YOU ARE COOKING. i TOLD HER YES YOU DO IT YOU DONT WANT YOUR FOOD TO BURN. SHE PROCEEDS TO TELL ME THAT SHE COOKS EVERYDAY, AND DOESNT STAND BY THE STOVE, BUT THEN MAYBE YOU  (MEANING ME) COOK DIFFERENTLY. 

DOES THE PHRASE "BITCH-SLAP" MEAN ANYTHING?

SHE HAS ME TO WALK 4-5 STEPS FROM THE CHAIR I AM SITTING IN TO THE ROOM DOOR. I WALK (NO PROBLEM BECAUSE I HAD BEEN SITTING DOWN WAITING FOR HER). SHE TELLS ME YOU WALK JUST FINE. I ANSWERED, i TOLD YOU i CAN WALK SEVERAL STEPS BEFORE i START HAVING PAIN AND PROBLEMS WITH WALKING. BEFORE SHE HAD ME DO THAT SHE HAD ASKED ME HOW FAR CAN YOU WALK WITHOUT THE CANE? i TOLD HER SEVERAL STEPS AND THEN i HAVE TO USE MY CANE BECAUSE MY LEGS START HURTING AND GET HEAVY, AND MY BACK FROM THE BRA BAND DOWN TO THE PELVIC AREA AND HIPS START HURTING. i SAY SEVERAL STEPS AND SHE ASKS 100 FEET, A BLOCK.  I SAID NO WAY CAN I WALK 100 FT W/ OUT HELP OR STOPPING A LOT. i HAVE HAVE PROBLEMS BREATHING WHEN i WALK FOR LONG WAYS.  

I WAS ASKED WHO GAVE ME THE CANE AND WAS i SHOWN HOW TO USE IT. I SAID I WAS GIVEN THE CANE WHEN MY HIP WAS REPLACED. (SHE ASKED AND LOOKED AT ME LIKE I JUST WENT OUT AND BOUGHT THE DARN THING). SHE ASKED ME IF I CAN BEND FORWARD, ASKS ME IF i CAN BEND SIDE BY SIDE. i DO IT AND SHE JOTS DOWN HER NOTES. SHE WASN'T LISTENING TO ME. SHE WAS ASKING ME QUESTIONS AND WHEN I ANSWERED SHE WAS MAKING A FACE LIKE SHE DIDNT BELIEVE ME, ON TO THE NEXT QUESTION. SHE HAD ME TAKE THE PAPER GOWN OFF TO LOOK AT ME, HAS ME STAND STRAIGHT (AS STRAIGHT AS i CAN) AND PROCEEDS TO TELL ME HAVE I THOUGHT ABOUT GETTING A LIFT ON MY LEFT SHOE, BECAUSE i AM STANDING ON MY TOE. i TOLD HER I DONT NEED A LIFT, THAT WHEN MY SURGERY WAS DONE MY LEGS WERE EVEN AND THE DOCTOR SAID I DIDNT NEED ON. SHE PROCEEDS TO TELL ME THAT i AM LEANING TO THE RIGHT. i CORRECT HER AND SAY I LEAN TO THE LEFT. I NOT ONLY HAVE HIP PROBLEMS, OSTEOARTHRITIS, BUT I WAS BORN WITH SCOLIOSIS AS WELL. sHE STILL INSISTED IT WAS TO THE RIGHT. sHE ASKED ME IF I DROVE MYSELF THERE AND I TOLD HER YES. AS IF HANDICAP PEOPLE CAN;T DRIVE. 

THIS DOCTOR WAS A MESS. sHE ONLY SPOKE TO ME FOR ABOUT 30 MINS.  AND  SHE HAD LAY ON MY BACK AND WANTED ME TO STRETCH BOTH LEGS OUT WHILE FLAT ON MY BACK. I TOLD HER i CANT LAY STRAIGHT ON MY BACK. tHE LEFT LEG DOESNT LIKE FLAT AND ONLY STRAIGHTENS SO FAR, AND THE RIGHT DOESNT GO ALL THE WAY DOWN WITH OUT THE SPINE AND PELVIS HURTING.  I TOLD HER I HAVE TO HAVE PILLOWS UNDER MY LEGS IF I LAY ON MY BACK. i NORMALLY LAY ON MY SIDES WITH A BIG HARD PILLOW BETWEEN MY LEGS, OTHERWISE IT ALWAYS FEELS LIKE THE HIPS ARE BEING PULLED ON. SHE GRABBED MY CALF EACH ON SEPERATELY, PUSH HARD, PULL HARD, LIFT YOUR KNEES - EACH WITH HER TRYING TO HOLD IT DOWN. sHE DIDNT HOLD IT DOWN HARD AT ALL. 

i WAS SO DISGUSTED BY THE TIME i LEFT. i KNEW i WOULD HAVE TO FIGHT FOR DISABILITY, BUT SHE JUST MADE ME FEEL LIKE i WAS MAKING THIS STUFF UP, AND EVERYTHING i WAS TELLING HER WERE LIES. i DONT CARE THAT i HAVE TO FIGHT FOR THIS. tHIS IS GOING TO BE A FIGHT i WILL WIN. 

Oh, SHE HAD ASKED ME TO TELL HER HOW  MY DAY IS NORMALLY. WHAT TIME DO i WAKE UP. i TOLD HER I DON'T HAVE A CERTAIN SLEEP SCHEDULE. i TOLD HER i GOT TO SCHOOL MON-THUR 8AM - 12 NOON. (SHE THOUGHT I WAS SAYING I WAS GOING TO SCHOOL FOR 12 HOURS), I HAD TO CLARIFY ITS 4 HOURS A DAY MON-THURS. SHE SAYS TO ME, YOU HAVE TO WALK AT SCHOOL , I TOLD HER YES. i PARK IN THE HANDICAP SPOTS AND HAVE TO WALK INTO THE LOBBY BUT HAVE TO SIT DOWN FOR UP TO 15 MINS TO CATCH MY BREATHE BEFORE I CAN MOVE ON TO THE ROOM i GO TO WHICH IS ON THE SECOND FLOOR AND A LONG WAYS DOWN, THAT i HAVE TO CATCH MY BREATH AGAIN FOR THE SECOND TIME BY THE TIME i REACH THE CLASS ROOM, IT S A LONG WAY. i CAN'T TALK UNTIL I CATCH MY BREATH. AFTER SCHOOL I COME HOME AND TAKE A NAP USUALLY FROM 2PM-5PM, THEN i AM UP UNTIL ABOUT 1AM TO 3AM, GETTING BACK UP AT 5AM OR 6AM. i DONT HAVE A SET SLEEP SCHEDULE. I SLEEP WHEN I GET TIRED. I HAVE ABOUT 2 GOOD HOURS OF SLEEP PER DAY, AND TOSS AND TURN THE REST OF THE TIME.

ANYWAY, I HAVE ALREADY CONTACTED  4 DIFFERENT LAWYERS TO SEE WHO WILL TAKE MY CASE TO HELP ME. THIS ISNT SOMETHING THAT JUST HAS STARTED IN THE LAST FEW YEARS, ITS PROBLEMS I HAVE HAD FOR YEARS, SINCE BIRTH EVEN. THIS WILL BE A FIGHT, MAYBE A LONG FIGHT. IT WILL BE A FIGHT I WILL WIN. i DO LIKE A CHALLENGE NOW AND THEN. THIS SHOULD BE VERY INTERESTING.......ER i GOT TO SCHOOL MON-THUR 8AM - 12 NOON. (SHE THOUGHT I WAS SAYING I WAS GOING TO SCHOOL FOR 12 HOURS), I HAD TO CLARIFY ITS 4 HOURS A DAY MON-THURS. SHE SAYS TO ME, YOU HAVE TO WALK AT SCHOOL , I TOLD HER YES. i PARK IN THE HANDICAP SPOTS AND HAVE TO WALK INTO THE LOBBY BUT HAVE TO SIT DOWN FOR UP TO 15 MINS TO CATCH MY BREATHE BEFORE I CAN MOVE ON TO THE ROOM i GO TO WHICH IS ON THE SECOND FLOOR AND A LONG WAYS DOWN, THAT i HAVE TO CATCH MY BREATH AGAIN FOR THE SECOND TIME BY THE TIME i REACH THE CLASS ROOM, IT S A LONG WAY. i CAN'T TALK UNTIL I CATCH MY BREATH. AFTER SCHOOL I COME HOME AND TAKE A NAP USUALLY FROM 2PM-5PM, THEN i AM UP UNTIL ABOUT 1AM TO 3AM, GETTING BACK UP AT 5AM OR 6AM. i DONT HAVE A SET SLEEP SCHEDULE. I SLEEP WHEN I GET TIRED. I HAVE ABOUT 2 GOOD HOURS OF SLEEP PER DAY, AND TOSS AND TURN THE REST OF THE TIME.

ANYWAY, I HAVE ALREADY CONTACTED  4 DIFFERENT LAWYERS TO SEE WHO WILL TAKE MY CASE TO HELP ME. THIS ISNT SOMETHING THAT JUST HAS STARTED IN THE LAST FEW YEARS, ITS PROBLEMS I HAVE HAD FOR YEARS, SINCE BIRTH EVEN. THIS WILL BE A FIGHT, MAYBE A LONG FIGHT. IT WILL BE A FIGHT I WILL WIN. i DO LIKE A CHALLENGE NOW AND THEN. THIS SHOULD BE VERY INTERESTING.......

I'M SAD.... LIFE IS CHANGING AND LETTING GO IS HARD

I was sitting here talking to my son about what is going on with his life and the move he is about to make here soon. After a long relationship with Ramon, they split up back in August. I don't think I will ever forget it, I was told on my 50th birthday. Happy Birthday it was not. You would have thought my partner & I broke up the way I cried for weeks. I guess it wasn't a total shock but after living with the guys since March 2007 and Ramon and I becoming closer after a tumultuous couple years it just made me sad. The first seam was ripped open. 

caption

Matt on the left - Ramon on the right
PJ the dog - Fabiola the cat
in happier times

During life you may hear when looking for work: "Looking for someone who can change constantly". At one time in my life I thought of myself as someone who adapts to change really well. When I hit my 40's and started be true to myself, I honestly told myself I don't adapt well. I get comfortable with the same things whether in my life or work, my friendships or relationships with men. It could have been due to low self-confidence when I was a lot younger (teens to my late 30's) and I think now it relates to being isolated from the many people I have known throughout my life. 

I currently live in the St. Louis area. I have lived with the boys the whole time. I have not made any friends that I hang out with ALL the time. I made friends through the jobs I worked at. I made friends at school. But we don't hang out with one another. I prefer to stay at home as opposed to going out to bars and such. When I first moved here it didn't bother me. I always had one of the guys around (Matt, my son or Ramon his partner who I love as a son). At one time we had a gorgeous foster baby for 14 mos who kept me occupied most of the time.

I started feeling sad when our foster baby left Jan 31 of last year. She was a foster child, but, I loved and cared for her as if she was my true granddaughter. Alaysha was and is one of the most beautiful babies around. In November, I mad contact with her present foster family to be able to see her. I have been blessed to be able to set up times to see her. It's awesome! She is 2 now and doesn't remember me, but hopefully she will warm back up to me as her friend; someone who loves and cares for her. When Alaysha left I cried so much, I began to wonder if I would ever stop. I put so much into her care and she loved us all, it was unimaginable pain when she left.

Then the guys split up. These things happen, but, it just came at an inconvenient time for me - LOL.  Ramon and I were getting along the best ever. We spent a lot of times running around St. Louis. He introduced me to a place at the Galleria Mall that sells sushi (loved it until I found out it had eel in it) and a quaint little place to get a Mexican torte. His company and the food was yummy! I guess our bond became really close when Alaysha left. The three of us were sad, but Ramon and I were able to share our feelings with each other. When Ramon left in Oct, it was like another piece of my life was ripped away. 

Things happen in life and you learn to deal with it and move on. Sometimes it's not so easy, especially w/ someone you have a good friendship, close friendship with. Enter a man I met at school. Darryl K Golson. Our relationship didn't just happen. I have a problem with judging people sometimes before getting to know them. I don't know why I do that. Maybe deep down it makes feel better than them or old habits die hard. We met at school, and I didn't know what to think of him. To me he was LOUD. This is funny coming from me because I have always been known to be LOUD myself (chuckle). He is actually louder than I am, and I have had to ask him to quiet down a bit because my ears hurt. Darryl is a man who is confident in himself. He knows what he wants and he won't let anything get in his way. Sometimes he can seem overpowering, something I am not use to seeing in real life. He holds himself in high regard, he dresses to the nine's wherever he goes, he takes care of himself and makes sure he ALWAYS looks good. I am always telling him we could never date or be married because he couldn't handle me, but more because I couldn't handle his perfectionism. He doesn't accept excuses for ANYTHING. I am the QUEEN of excuses.

For the past few months we have grown close as friends. We hung out a lot. We talked almost nightly on Yahoo IM

Darryl - Christmas Day 2010

Three losses in one year with another one going to happen soon. Matt is moving from the house that Ramon and him shared and I have to find a place to live in the next two months. It just everything is changing and I am running around in a maze (in my head at least) screaming. My whole physical support system is gone. I just feel on my own (even though I am not).  Darryl is coming back late February, early March, but when you feel alone that is a long time. I feel helpless with Darryl . He will be getting treated for his illness, and I won't be with him physically to take him where he needs to go, or to try and cheer him up. It's going to be rough for me because I want to talk to him, but, I am sure he will not be up to it at times.  We both are thankful for our video chats, but sometimes you just want to be in each others company to see for yourself that your friend is okay. 

Oh, I will suck all this up and go on. I have no choice. I have my schooling to finish, I have a place to look for to live, I need to find a job or two. But in those few seconds when my body and brain are able to take a rest, I will still be sad until Ramon or Darryl  come back or until I can see my son when he is not so busy. 

It's called LIFE :).

Me and PJ New Years Eve 2010

A SIGN OF RESPECT

I just read a good friend's blog on being respectful to others. I love the way my friend writes. She can make you feel and understand the point she wants to make.  She was talking about how growing up in the South it is common to say Ma'am and Sir when talking to adults. It's a southern sign of respect. I don't think it's just the "sounthern" way........


When I was younger growing up in Alsip, IL mom raised her children with the same respect as my friend had been taught only the Luczak children were taught to say Mrs. or Mr. We were never allowed to call adults by their names only. We even called our adult relatives with Aunt, Uncle, Grandma, Granddpa, ectt... I think we would have gotten a pop across the mouth if we left the title off. 
Mom had a good friend Marilyn Perry. I don't remember mom saying, "Carmen, go ask Marilyn this", it would have, "Carmen go ask Mrs. Perry this". So I would address Marilyn as Mrs. Perry. Nowadays after finding her through facebook, I call her Marilyn, but in the back of my mind I wonder if I should ask for permission to call her Marilyn or would she rather be called Mrs. Perry still.


Fast forward to when we moved to Morrisonville, IL (early 70"s). We were still expected to address an adult by the title and last name. Another good friend of mom's is Lucille Langen. While growing up I always called her Mrs. Langen. When I email her I have tried calling her Lucille or Lucy, but it doesn't flow off the tongue so smoothly for me. I am more comfortable with Mrs. Curvey. I just had a thought of now that FB is a way of communicating for people, why am I calling people by their first name when I would add that special title and their last name. Could it be that the world has become "less" formal, or the people I added titles to aren't really that much older than I am now that I am an adult? 


A neighbor of ours in Mville, Sharon Prose is a FB friend. When I was still in school and delivering her and her husbands Breeze Courier, I would address them as Mr. or Mrs. Prose. Sometimes I would say Mr. Prose's nickname of Doc.  Now it's just Sharon. Just seems strange.


Now when I had my two children, I wanted to raise them with manners and taught them to say Mr., Miss., or Mrs. When you are trying your hardest to teach them, "Alicia and Matthew, I would like to introduce you to Mrs. Langen or Mr. Prose", it is made hard when those people say in front of you, "Oh, you can call me Lucille or Doc. After trying for so long, I just gave up. Depending on who the persons are nowadays, I will introduce my children to people by a title or just their name. 


I do know that when I worked at Walmart I could not stand being called Miss Carmen. To be truthful I HATED it. This is how you would address an educator or senior citizen. Even after it was explained to me that it is a sign of respect it didnt change my mind. I would just tell co-worker to call me just Carmen. Miss Carmen makes me feel old, which I am not. Everytime I was hit with Miss Carmen, I would hit back with Just Carmen. To this day I find it hard to call my teachers by a title and their name - Miss Erika, Ms. Gillespie, ect... I usually call them by their first names. I guess if they objuect they would tell me, right?

DREAMS

"....WHEN I WAS YOUNG, I NEVER NEEDED ANYONE, AND MAKING LOVE WAS JUST FOR FUN, THOSE DAYS ARE GONE....." - ALL BY MYSELF, ERIC CARMEN  (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bf9txfsMhU0)


 THERE ARE TWO TYPES OF DREAMS FOR ME. THE KIND WHERE YOU ARE AWAKE AND THINKING ABOUT WHAT LIFE WOULD BE LIKE IF ... OR DREAMING ABOUT BEING CLOSE TO THAT SPECIAL SOMEONE YOU ARE ATTRACTED TO... MAYBE EVEN THINKING WHAT IT WOULD BE LIKE TO RUN OVER THAT ONE PERSON WHO TOTALLY PISSES YOU OFF; THAT AT THAT TIME IT WOULDN'T MATTER TO YOU THE CONSEQUENCES.  IN THE PAST I WOULD I USE TO DAYDREAM ABOUT ALL KINDS OF THINGS: BEING A GIRLFRIEND TO SO AND SO , MARRYING DONNY OSMOND, BEING A SINGER, ME GETTING MARRIED LIKE MARIA ON THE SOUND OF MUSIC. DAYDREAMING WAS A "BIG" PART OF MY LIFE, I USE TO GET IN TROUBLE WITH MY PARENTS BECAUSE I WOULD BE DAYDREAMING SO MUCH INSTEAD OF MY SCHOOL WORK. 


THEN THERE ARE THE DREAMS THAT OCCUR WHEN I AM SLEEPING. NOWADAYS WHEN I DREAM IT USUALLY IS BECAUSE OF THE STRESS IN MY LIFE OR BECAUSE I AM ON THE WRONG MED OR NO MEDS AT ALL. I VERY SELDOM DREAM IN COLOR, AND VERY SELDOM DREAM OF BEING IN LOVE OR EVEN HAVING A RELATIONSHIP. MY DREAMS CAN GET REALLY FREAKY SOMETIMES.


I CAN REMEMBER FOR YEARS, FROM THE TIME I WAS IN GRADE SCHOOL TO EVEN DURING MY SECOND MARRIAGE DREAMING OF MY BROTHER, RICK, DYING. I REMEMBER THE SAME DREAM, HE WOULD LAYING IN THE CASKET AND I WOULD ALWAYS, ALWAYS WAKE UP CRYING. I MAY HAVE HAD THE DREAM ONCE AFTER HE ACTUALLY DIED: WAKING UP CRYING AND TRYING TO CATCH MY BREATHE.  I NEVER THOUGHT IT WAS A SIGN OF THINGS TO COME. TO ME IT WAS JUST A DREAM. I ACTUALLY HAD FORGOTTEN ABOUT THOSE DREAMS UNTIL THE WEEK THE FAMILY GATHERED TO MAKE PLANS FOR HIS FUNERAL.  I WAS MORE SHOCKED I WOULD REMEMBER THAT AT SUCH A SHOCKING AND SAD TIME.  (THERE HAS ONLY BEEN ONE TIME I DREAMT ABOUT ONE OF MY KIDS DYING, CAN'T REMEMBER WHO IT WAS SO LONG AGO. I DO REMEMBER THEY WERE HIT BY A CAR).


WHEN I WAS YOUNGER, THE BIG THING TO DO ON WEEKENDS WAS WATCHING "CREATURE FEATURES", YOU KNOW THE OLD, OLD FRANKENSTEIN MOVIES, THE WAX MUSEUM MOVIES, AND ALL THE OTHER SCARY MOVIES FOR A YOUNG PERSON TO SEE. WHEN THINKING BACK NOW THE MOVIES WERENT REALLY THAT SCARY, BUT AS A YOUNGER PERSON YOU DIDNT KNOW BETTER. I CAN REMEMBER WATCHING DINOSAOR MOVIES AS WELL AS KING KONG.  THEN FOR THE LONGEST TIME I WOULD DREAM KING KONG WAS CHASING ME AROUND THE BLOCK WE LIVED IN  UP NORTH CHICAGO.  SOME MOVIES JUST ROCKED ME TO THE CORE. I WOULD STILL DREAM KING KONG WAS CHASING ME DOWN THE MAIN STREET OF MORRISONVILLE, IL  FROM WHERE THE PARK WAS TO THE HIGHWAY.  TOOK ME A LONG TIME BEFORE THAT DREAM FINALLY WENT AWAY....


DID YOU EVER HAVE A DREAM YOU WERE IN A CAR GOING OVER A VIADUCT AND THEN ALL OF A SUDDEN THE CAR SWERVED OFF AND WAS FLYING (NO WINGS INCLUDED) BUT THE CAR WOULDNT CRASH? I DID AND  I WOULD ALWAYS WAKE UP BREATHING HARD? HAD THAT DREAM FOR YEARS AND YEARS ALSO.  THOSE TYPES OF DREAMS ARE SO NERVE WRACKING.


ONE OF MY MORE HUMOROUS DREAMS THAT I STILL HAVE ONCE IN A BLUE MOON IS WALKING DOWN THE STREET MY PARENTS LIVE ON IN MORRISONVILLE. I AM ALWAYS WALKING FROM THE GRADE SCHOOL TOWARDS THEIR HOME NAKED. IT'S STRANGE, AS I AM WALKING THERE ARE FAMILIES FROM WHEN I WAS YOUNGER OUT IN THE YARDS TALKING TO NEIGHBORS, DOING YARD WORK, AND NO ONE NOTICES ME. AS I AM WALKING, I SAY TO MYSELF IN MY HEAD. CAN'T ANYONE SEE THAT I AM WALKING DOWN THE STREET NAKED? NOW THAT IS STRANGE.


AS I HAVE GOTTEN OLDER MY DREAMS ARE CENTERED AROUND PEOPLE I KNOW. NO WAY DO I HAVE PSYCHIC ABILITIES BUT A LOT OF TIMES I HAVE DREAMT ABOUT SOMEONE AND THEN I WILL HEAR SOMETHING, READ SOMETHING, OR SEE THEM IN PERSON.  ONE DREAM I REMEMBER CLEARLY IS DREAMING ABOUT AN OLD FRIEND, MIKE LEITSCHUCH. I DON'T REMEMBER THE DREAM, BUT I REMEMBER SHORTLY AFTER READING IN THE PAPER HE AND HIS WIFE HAVING A BABY.  AND IT'S NOT JUST DREAMS, SOMETIMES A THOUGHT  OR MEMORY WILL HIT ME AND THEN THAT PERSON IS BROUGHT TO MY ATTENTION IN REAL LIFE. I AM SURE A LOT OF PEOPLE DEAL WITH THIS, BUT I AM ALWAYS AMAZED.


WHEN MY BEST FRIEND OF ALL THE WORLD DIED, JOE LUCAS. I DREAMT OF HIM ONCE SOMETIME AFTER. HE WAS AT A PARTY AND WE WERE HAVING SUCH A GOOD TIME. I WAS SO DISTRESSED BY HIS LOSS, THAT I FIGURED THAT DREAM WAS TELLING TO QUIT WORRYING ABOUT HIM, HE WAS DOING JUST FINE. THAT WAS 14/15 YEARS AGO.  HOW STRANGE I WOULD HAVE A DREAM OF HIM THIS MORNING ONCE AGAIN. I DON'T KNOW WHY, BUT WE WERE SITTING IN THE DITCH ACROSS THE STREET FROM WHERE HE AND HIS FAMILY HAD LIVED FOR YEARS. HE AND HIS FRIEND AND I WERE SITTING AND TALKING, I WAS JUST TELLING HIM WHAT WAS GOING ON IN MY LIFE. IT'S BEEN 16 YRS SINCE JOE HAS DIED. AFTER ALL THESE YEARS I STILL MISS HIM AND THE LOVE AND FRIENDSHIP WE SHARED. 


YESTERDAY, I AWOKE FROM A DREAM. IT WAS A FORMER CLASSMATE I HAVE  NOT SEEN SINCE OUR LAST CLASS REUNION IN 2003 (OCT). I HAD BEEN DREAMING OF KENT KLINGER AND HIS SISTERS: KARA, KRISTI, AND KAYLA. MY SISTER, MICHELLE WAS IN THE DREAM ALSO. WE WERE SITTING AROUND A TABLE AT THEIR MOM AND DAD'S HOME. I WAS TRYING TO SAVE KENT FROM SOMETHING. BUT WHILE I AM TRYING TO THINK, ALL OF THEM LIGHT UP CIGARETTE'S AND START SMOKING. MY SISTER, MICHELLE, DOESNT SMOKE.


WHEN I WAS STILL MARRIED TO THE FIRST HUSBAND, I HAD A DREAM WE WERE IN THE WILD WEST. I WAS IN A COURT ROOM AND WERE WERE THERE TO GET A DIVORCE.  THAT WAS STRANGE BECAUSE, IT WAS SOMETHING THAT HAD BEEN COMING FOR A LONG TIME. WHY WOULD I NEED TO DREAM ABOUT IT? THEN AGAIN A MONTH AGO, BEFORE THANKSGIVING, I HAD A DREAM THAT OUR SON MATT WAS HAVING THANKSGIVING AT HIS HOUSE AND HIS DAD WAS COMING. IN THE DREAM HIS DAD ASKED ME IF THERE WAS ANYTHING HE NEEDED TO BRING. OOPS! I THEN WOKE UP.  THE ONLY REASON I COULD THINK OF FOR DREAMING  OF DON, WAS TO FINALLY TELL MYSELF THAT ITS OKAY TO BE DECENT W/ HIM, IT'S BEEN A LONG TIME AGO AND WE CAN FINALLY BE FRIENDLY TOWARDS ONE ANOTHER.  TO BAD IN REAL LIFE IT'S NOT TRUE. THE GUY AND I HAVE BEEN DIVORCED FOR 35 YRS NOW (WOW, THAT DOESN'T SEEM POSSIBLE) AND HE STILL HATES MY GUTS. WILL NOT COME TO THE SONS HOUSE  IF I AM THERE. POOR GUY NEEDS TO GET OVER HIMSELF. HE IS NOT ALL THAT. I HAVE BEEN OVER HIM FOR A VERY LONG TIME......


WHY CAN'T I HAVE DREAMS ABOUT PEOPLE I CARE ABOUT: SAY MY GRANDPARENTS, MY BROTHER, RICK, MY SECOND HUSBAND , MOLANGA.  MOLANGA IS STILL ALIVE AS FAR AS I KNOW, BUT ITS BEEN 4 YRS SINCE WE LAST SAW ONE ANOTHER AND I HAVE NO IDEA HOW HIS HEALTH IS, IF HE IS STILL IN THE USA OR BACK IN ZAIRE AFRICA. I WANT TO KNOW...... i WOULD LOVE TO HAVE A DREAM WHERE I AM IN LOVE WITH A MAN WHO LOVES ME, OR I HAVE A FANTASTIC JOB.  OR SOMETHING FUN.  SERIOUS DREAMS ARE NOT ALWAYS FUN TO HAVE AND CAN GET TO BE BORING FOR THAT MATTER. 


I THANK GOD FOR DREAMS IN WHATEVER FORM. THEY CAN HELP WITH CREATIVITY AND REMIND YOU OF THE GOOD AND OR BAD TIMES. THEY CAN AWAKEN YOUR SPIRIT, SHOW YOU HOW TO DO THINGS MAYBE IN ANOTHER WAY. 


I LIKE DREAMING - KENNY NOLAN 
(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0beWnZZOeJg&feature=related..........)

Why Would I Be A Good Biller And Coder?

For the longest time I have wanted to go back to school. You see, when I was in high school I could

have gotten good grades had I applied myself. I just didn’t apply myself. To be honest, when I graduated in

June of 1978 I was the forty-fourth or forty-fifth out of a total of forty six graduates. That’s right; instead of putting my head into the books and studying I sat around and daydreamed about Donny Osmond and the male species. It’s not something I am very proud of. I have tried a few times to go back to school. Twice after having two babies I tried going to cosmetology school; that didn’t that work out. At that time I was young and somewhat immature. I took care of my babies and their needs. As far as being serious about starting school and actually finishing, it just didn’t happen. When my children were in grade school (kindergarten and first grade) it was the beginning of all day school, so I had to do something with myself. Where we lived, there were no jobs unless you drove a good 45 minutes any which way. It was time to try school again. I finished one year of going full-time; but it took four years to do it. Though I was going for something that really caught my eye (secretarial science) I just could not get myself focused.

     After working many dead end jobs, I began to yearn to better myself, to find better employment. Some people enjoy working fast food restaurants, cashiering at retail stores, cleaning hotel rooms. It’s not something I pictured myself doing when I thought “When I grow up I want to be….” I knew in my head and my heart that I would have to get off my buttocks and figure out what I wanted to do with the rest of my life: But what? The hardest part was figuring out what I wanted to go to school for. Here I was very close to fifty years old, unemployed with no job perspectives. I felt the walls closing in on me. For I wasn’t getting any younger, and the older I was getting, the jobs were less likely for people my age. With a perceived disability there just aren’t too many jobs left I can do. What job would be interesting enough to peak my interest and I would be good at?  Medical Billing and Coding was a field I had seen a lot of commercials on. It was very interesting and it sounded like something I could not only do but would be darn good at. A plus to this was I wouldn’t need to attend a four year college. Most curriculum's could be completed under two years, which was good because I know I didn’t have the patience for four years of schooling.

     There was no feeling of dread. I was totally excited. I finally had the seed planted once again and there was no stopping me. This is my destiny. This is my goal. Failure IS NOT an option. I can do this work and I will be good at what I do. I am going into a professional field and from what I have been told and from what I have read this will be a rewarding career. I am a person who likes to finish a job I start to the best of my ability. I don’t like to leave any job unfinished. I am detailed to the point of needing my work to be perfect. You might almost say I am “anal” about having paperwork that is fresh, crisp, and flat. I can’t stand wrinkles. I show up when scheduled, work over time if needed. I will go out of my way to help others if I see they need the help or should anyone ask for my help. I am a hard worker. Though I like working with people, I much more like working by myself. I am a self-starter who works well alone. I don’t need to be looked over all the time.

     I must say though, I may have been pumped when I first started my courses, but, after the first phase I started to lose my momentum quickly. I am attending Vatterott. I was under the self-impression that it was sort of like a junior college. After three phases I find out it is a “Trade” School: A school that is considered to be accelerated and has a teaching staff, some who are “uncertified” educators who were hired because they have worked for so long in the field that they teach. Talk about a shock to my system. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to know after the first phase of attending that the admissions counselors have “greased the wheels” so to speak or in lay man’s terms, talked a good talk to get one in the door. I fell for it. The gentleman who I worked w/ it made it sound so wonderful, that his wife was in the same field I chose, and he could tell I would be a good fit. In fact, he even went so far as to say had I been done with my courses, she may have considered hiring me, because her place of employment was always looking for outstanding billers and coders. How could I not be drawn to a speech like that? I took the admissions test, filled out all the paper work to be admitted and to apply for financial aid. I handed in all the paper work that was requested. I was ready to go.

     School started off on a good note. I was told mostly younger people attend in the a.m. and the more older people attend the p.m. or early evening classes. I didn’t want to be bothered by the younger immature crowd, so I settled for the p.m class in hopes to meet people closer to my age. I was wrong. There were suppose to be 7-13 in the afternoon class but ended up with only three of us. Two students who couldn’t make it the majority of the time for whatever drama was going on in their lives. The majority of the time I was in the first class it was one on one with a smart alec teacher who loves the human body so darn much, she was almost orgasmic over it. She found me to be unapproachable because I just didn’t get into the human body like that and that I didn’t find her laughing after everything she said, to well, be that funny. I had tunnel vision at the time; that was to get through schooling, become certified, and move back to Illinois and become employed. I didn’t have time to listen to the teacher making excuses for the two other students as to why they couldn’t make it to school. I was quite sick of hearing “Remember they are young”. Yes, I did remember they were you. I also remembered when I was younger: The reason for my tunnel vision. I just don’t have time to make excuses for others. I am worried about me and me only. If I seem unapproachable because I don’t find students not attending school like they should, or coming in and out of the class while I am being taught for stupid stuff (saying hi, or I miss you, just walking in and out constantly) or talking and laughing, or calling the teacher Miss Lady or Boo, yes then I am unapproachable. We are being taught to be professionals, heads above the rest. We are being taught about patient confidentiality, yet the teachers can’t practice what they teach by telling students business to other ( student is sick in hospital and why, student wrote this on their test exam). Then, yes, I am unapproachable. We are being taught that we as billers and coders have to be very careful when we code and bill because what we put down will mean if physician’s office get paid or not. This is serious business, and when you have students who are getting the teachers attention (“So and so get up, if you are tired go home”, “So and So watch your mouth”, “So and So what did I tell you would happen [yet nothing ever happens] if you didn’t wear your uniform, white shoes?”). If that makes me unapproachable then yes, I am.

     I am taking this schooling very seriously. I am sick and tired of hearing that I should “tune out” those students who are disrespecting those of us who want to learn. I am sick and tired of watching students getting away with “crap” because the teacher wants to be their friend, their mentor, or that teacher goes out to the clubs with them. I came here to get an education. What I have researched in Ebscohost and googled is not conducive to the education I am paying thousands and thousands of dollars for. For one thing: I feel these teachers should have to go by the syllabus and teach the course. Not use their discretion as what to teach. This current phase we are in, we may have had two, maybe three lectures out of seven we should have had so far. The teacher may have worked in billing and coding for sometime, but is a teacher reading word for word (and not pronouncing a lot of the words correctly) the same thing we read already at home lecturing? We have gone to the lab once out of seven weeks we have been here. How are we going to learn to use the Medisoft program or whatever the name of it is if we aren’t sitting in front of a computer doing it? And will once a week, really get our “feet wet” so to speak? And why are we paying hundreds for books we are not even using? I have a dictionary sitting in my book bag, a drug book sitting in my book bag, and this phase, we have only done a few things out of the step by step book and workbook. We have power point that would come in handy when learning how to fill out CMS-1500 forms. We need someone who can tell us why we put certain information in a certain box and not just tell us to do it.

     This is the career I have chosen as the last choice before I get to old and can no longer work. I am very detailed oriented. I am smart. I can learn almost anything, (except Math it seems) if I am taught right. I want to be certified the first time I take my exam. I want to be able to get a job and use what I am being taught. I don’t want to land a job somewhere and have to tell my employer I was not taught this or don’t remember something because the teacher didn’t think it was important or tells their student, “Who cares about this?”, “You don’t need to know this”. We don’t need to be taught like we are nursing students, I didn’t sign up for nursing school. I understand English very well. I can be talked to like an adult and not some young teen/adult who is attending school just for the heck of it or in order to get a stipend check (not caring they have to pay this money back). I will be very good in this field that I won’t have just one job offer but a few to several offers. Not because I have good grades, or attendance, but because I will be able to apply what I have learned at Vatterott, and will be able to act in a professional manner. I will know the full meaning of HIPAA and what patient confidentiality mean. I will hold my head above the rest including my classmates. I will be a force to reckon with in the medical and billing field. It won’t matter if I have to step on a few feet to get my point across or get what I am paying for. I started schooling in this field and I will walk across the stage to be handed my degree. Whatever it is going to take.That is why I will be a good Medical Biller and Coder.

REFERENCES

EBSCOHOST:

STRATEGIES FOR DEALING WITH THE NATIONAL CODING SHORTAGE

Jill Schweiters, Healthcare Financial Management Association – April 2010

BILLING CODING ERRORS COSTLY

The Receivables Report, Ebscohost Publishing – 2002

DEFINITIVE DOCUMENTATION YIELDS BETTER ANSWERS AND DOLLARS

Samuel A. Donio, Jr., Healthcare Financial Management Association – March 2010

EDITORS CORNER

Judy Veazie – Healthcare Biller – October 2005

THANKFUL FOR....

     Today on a fiends facebook page they posted "God wants you to know" item..... It was about miracles and how God sends us miracles all the time, but we may miss them because we might be too busy looking for BIG miracles.  It made me think of some small miracles that have happened with me just this week. 

     There is the time my daughter, Alicia, called to let me know she was open to a visit from me to see her and her son. See for almost two years we have been on the outs, because being the mom I sometimes don't know when to keep my mouth shut. Well, I think enough time has passed for us not to speak. It's time to make amends and for me to use "SELF-CONTROL". My daughter is just like me. It's uncanny. So we set up a visit for this Friday for a couple hours in the afternoon. I can't wait. I love my little girl and I have missed a lot of time w/ baby Reese. I am thankful for that......

     Today, two things unfolded before my eyes. First off this a.m. I was able to speak to our former foster childs newest foster mom about being able to see our little angel. She was more than open to it, and told me she tried to get the other foster parents to keep the lines of communication open with us. I had told her I have wanted to do this, but after discussing it with the second parents, the mom asked for time to let them settle in and then we could meet sometime. I never heard from her after that. I have seen our little girl once with the guys one time since she left us. She had sprouted in the few short months, thinned out, and was just gorgeous.... I can't wait to see her again... I am sure I will be so shocked... Her current foster mom says she is being potty trained, and was sad when she first got to her house, but is beginning to come out of her shell. I am thankful for this.......

     Finally, the gentleman I discussed in a previous post. The former classmate. Well, it really bothered me to hear he may be leaving to be closer to family while he does his treatments. I couldn't contain my sadness anymore, I was close to tears. I finally said, "Are you going to be okay?"..... Just those words and we began to speak again. I told him that I would help him out any way I could if he wanted to stay here to finish his schooling. I would be glad to take him to his treatments, shopping, help him out at home. I was upfront and truthful about not being good w/ body fluid clean up though. I'm just saying....So we spent a little time together. We went grocery shopping, and we made plans to have Thanksgiving dinner together.  Now that my friend and I are talking again, it will be a little bit easier to say "I'M SORRY". I am thankful for this.....

     I am not as Christian as I should be. I am more spiritual. I believe in God. I know some things in the Bible, but I am not well versed. I know what is right and wrong. I feel bad when I do something bad to someone, wether it be something done or said....I pray and speak to God and ask for change and forgiveness. God is so AWESOME.... He does work in mysterious ways.

     I LOVE YOU LORD! and I LIFT MY VOICE.....

KARMA(N) IS A BITCH

WHOEVER SAID KARMA IS A BITCH IS RIGHT

It's 2:49am, and I am up for a bit. I have been having an issue w/ my right hip or lower pelvis. Wish I knew where exactly this pain is coming from. All I know is that this is pain that is not going away and I am doubling up on pain meds. The only relief I am getting is being knocked out, otherwise the meds ARE NOT working. Relief would be nice.

I guess I am getting paid back for all the times I have mad fun of older people, younger people, heck any kind of people. I am a true believer in "What goes around, comes around". I can remember talking to my "Gram" on several occasions about her health issue. Bless her heart, she was a gem. She would have been 100 this past Oct. Hard to believe. When she was still able to drive to our home in Morrisonville IL from my Aunt's in Chicago, or her own home in Arkansas, she would visit us once or twice a year. She would drag her bag of meds with her. "What is this one for?" I would ask her. She had pills, different shapes, and colors. She also had eye drops for her glaucoma. Gram was a walking pharmacy. I think she was on a water pill, a diabetes pill, one was for her heart. I can't remember them all. I was just a teenager then without a care in the world except my passion then, "BOYS". Poor Gram would be talking about how hot it was (what woman call "hot flashes"). I can still hear in my ears saying, "Oh Gram, you are so funny", while laughing it off. Only now I know sort of what she was going through back then, because now I am my grandma.

Because I haven't taken care of my self. I am on "SEVERAL" pills myself. I should know better, I do know better because of mountains of information available, because not only was my mom a nurse in her hey day, but my sister is a chemist with some of the smartest brains I know. I am on a pill for diabetes, water pill, 2 for cholesterol, one for arthritis. The total is 6 or 7. I am tired of pill. I have so many to take in the a.m., and I have two I take in the p.m. I also have my kids laughing at me because at only 50, they treat me like I am in my 80's. 

I have had my left hip replaced, both eyes had cataracts removed, osteoarthritis in the lower pelvis, hips, knees, and hands. I am what you would say "A BIG HOT MESS". Until I can get my act together the pills and pain will remain part of my life. I can only pray I don't wait until it is to late.

DID I SAY KARMA IS A BITCH?